Love Actually

I was going to write an entry about terrible gifts, which in a nutshell are gift cards, shoes, and chocolate (thoughtless, unsure if it will fit, and mean). But got to thinking about a variety of tangents and about relationships. 

First and foremost-- we are His children. We belong to Him, period. Nothing against Taylor Swift, but the thought that someone is "mine" is so wrong and leads to danger. And no where in the bible does it say we all get to be married, so I'm not sure why we all assume we will be. Second-- there is no "one." The purpose of marriage, in its purest form, was to glorify God in community, in sacred oneness of body, soul, and mind. Therefore the idea that you could glorify God in this way with only one person in the whole earth is absurd. We are affected by the people we are around and I know for certain that should any of us move to another country for an extended period of time, we would be attracted to someone in that setting. While there is no "one," that doesn't mean we just settle for any one. 

To the ladies, some thoughts. If you are in high school, wait. Develop yourself, understand your likes, dislikes. Formulate opinions, talents, and gifts. Sharpen them. High school is one of the most critical time periods of self identity. We want to be loved, pursued, cherished, and when it seems to dissolve, often girls will compromise bits of themselves to make it work. The time you could have spent on extracurriculars, on new opportunities is spent with the bf. The time that could have been spent on establishing deeper friendships, is spent with the bf. His humor, his interests will collide with yours, and it will be hard to figure what you really liked or didn't.  I'm not saying you are incapable of decision making, just that its easy to love hard, and give up on opportunities for self growth.

College is tricky because everyone is sort of everywhere, but general rule of thumb, don't date first year. This year is all about adjustment, and often the time where people come to terms with the decision to believe and be a disciple of Christ, or live for themselves. Aside from all the youth retreats, all the events, the church history in the family-- usually it is during this time periods people must decide for themselves. So spend this time making that decision. Guys-- dont' prey on freshmen, it ain't right. Let them adjust, let them get plugged into a fellowship, establish sisterly relationships and accountability. If you have your eye on a freshmen girl, observe. Does she exhibit Christ like qualities in the midst of this huge adjustment? Is she proactive in her faith? Who are her friends? 

Onwards, I think it becomes a much more case by case issue. But i have to say-- don't settle!! I think a lot of times, we see other girls happy, other people in couple format, and we feel lonely. We feel like we are missing out, because we are waiting for a guy who is a man of God, not a boy. We wonder if we are attractive physically, mentally, spiritually. I don't think these are terrible thoughts because it does lead to introspection. However-- this should not be the reason for begining a relationship. Because being with someone who has no real interest in the Lord, no desire to grow, who is unteachable brings tremenous heart ache and pain. In the end, the fundamental purpose and goal of the relationship is disjointed. One may view God as the goal, the other may see happiness and marriage as the goal. Relationships are messy-- two sinners whose hearts are prone to idolatry of themselves or to the other- well, its a bad combo, compounded with one person who has no interest in God-- mm makes it even worse. 

I remember Ruth sahmo said this in the Philippines-- its not about where the guy is spiritually right now-- but how teachable they are. As in, even if they are fairly new believers-- do they have a good projection for growth? Are they hungry for the word? Do they actively seek discipleship, accountability? If they have been a believer for a while-- do you see fruit in their lives? Are they consistent in their devotion to the Lord? Do they have brothers who can keep him accountable? or are they stagnant in their faith and/or exhibit no discipline? 

I think its okay for girls, when pursued by a guy to ask and to say-- "Do you have___ in your life? You need to grow in ____ area before we can think about a relationship." Likewise, guys-- look for a girl who has the boldness to say this, the wisdom to know, and patience to wait until you get there. 

The best way to know if you are ready for a relationship is to look at your own relationship with God. Are you consistent and reliable? Are you humble and bold for Christ? Are you patient, loving, kind, gentle, faithful, self controlled? Not that you have to be perfect, of course, because then no one would be married. Just saying these can be good indicators in terms of how "ready" you are, if there was such a thing. Of course i say this knowing full well, i'm not married and my relationship with eric didn't exactly start this way either. But i do think if it did, maybe we could have saved ourselves from a lot of fights and struggles. No one has to obey my words, haha, just some thoughts on e-paper.