Parents

A random korean lady came to our unit last night and didn't speak too much english. Seeing me from afar she said "she looks like me, she might know my language" which is kinda weird and awkward but i did my best to understand what she was saying even though i said in korean and with body language that i only know a little korean. From what i can gain, she was the daughter of a woman who had died on the floor around thanksgiving. I remember the name, becuase she was a korean lady and I gave CPR upon her decreasing heart rate. She essentially said she had come from Detroit to do all the funeral arrangements such and such, and needed to come to the final resting place, i guess for closure. I showed her her the room her mom died in and she left. But before leaving she told me to always treat my parents well, lest i have huge regrets for the rest of my life. I wondered what her relationship was like, what happened that made her say that. Maybe a falling out over her husband? her job? divorce? religion? so many thing..

That definitely grounded me a bit, and I do occasionally think about the what ifs, of when my parents die. Car accidents, heart attack, etc. I don't know what my initial reaction would be, but I think my grief would be crescendo with time. Shock and numbness first, then slow and steady acceptance and regret. We don't have a terrible relationship or disjointed one, but because our relationship is so shallow. I can't really tell you what my mom or dad likes or dislikes. I don't know the struggles they have, the financial concerns, where they are in their faith. I only know as much as a regular church member may know about them. My regret would be that even though I live and have grown under their caring hands, its really hard to even pinpoint who they are as people, apart from my parents.

What I know for sure I can say is that I love my parents and am appreciative for their care and concern-- for how they chose to be counter culture (korean that is) and tell me I can do whatever I want, that grades don't matter as long as I try, that they are proud of me. I am grateful for the food, shelter, clothing, and all the extra things they paid for to help me become myself. They never hit me, grounded me, or even yelled at me, ever.

I know my parents are alive and there is time to spend knowing them, but how? The obvious answer is more talks, but usually my mom especially doesn't seem so comfortable sharing personal info with me. She reluctantly agreed to show me her medications (which I have only seen once or twice). With my dad, i think it would be easier except for the fact we speak different languages. We have enough common denominators to get through small talk, but i have no idea how to talk about the things of God, of his struggles and fears in korean.

Hmm. Will need to pray for an answer.